on disconnecting

back in early february, i decided to delete social media from my phone. i was losing so much of my free time – and time that really should have been spent on tasks – to scrolling. worse, i wasn’t even enjoying it. it’s not as though the content itself was miserable; much of what i saw on my feeds was content from friends, topics i enjoyed, or otherwise interesting, but the proportion of what was advertisements, upsetting, or boring seemed to be growing, and i became increasingly frustrated. i came to realize that i was deeply unsatisfied with spending time on social media, and eventually, without allowing myself to think twice, bit the bullet and deleted the apps.

since then, i have continually realized how much this decision has been of benefit to me. it goes well beyond having my time back. my anxiety has improved significantly, i’ve been engaging with my hobbies more, and i’m overall more satisfied with my day-to-day life.

the anxiety bit was surprising. i don’t think i realized how stressful social media was for me. the most marked improvement has been from how my thoughts no longer include the imaginary audience that social media created. when i say “imaginary audience,” what i mean is that my thoughts were being filtered through what followers and friends would think of my activities. not that i posted about every activity i did, but i went through my days as though i would. i had this sense that my every movement was being perceived. that sounds a bit more paranoid than i’d like. really, it was more like having social media was an open window to my life, and the lines between what would be made public versus private were blurred.

at some point, i developed a habit of thinking in posts or long-form imagined conversations. this was pretty detrimental, both to the above point and to real-world interactions i was having. it was causing me to have unproductive conversations and interactions, since i had already imagined what someone’s reaction would be and how i would respond. often, i’d go through a variety of reactions. just in case. this is fairly common for people with social anxiety, but the degree to which it was influenced by social media was also a surprise. i’ve had significantly better and more meaningful interactions as this habit has dwindled to being easily pushed aside.

being more engaged in my hobbies has come naturally with more free time, but is enhanced by the fact that i don’t feel as though i have to share them anymore. my hobbies are mine to enjoy, and i prefer to share them on this blog or through conversation than on an algorithmic, engagement-driven platform. it really took a lot of weight off my shoulders to feel less like i have to perform and more like i’m truly doing them for myself.

on the note of hobbies, i actually didn’t know how “trendy” it is to collect cassette tapes, write letters, and do film photography among gen-z now. despite being on social media as much as i was, i still somehow managed to live under a rock. however, i saw a very interesting article on slate that touched on this, called “we made technology easy to use – that was a mistake.” there is an author, david sax, who has referred to it as “the revenge of the analog.” one quote from the article reads, “these objects demand something of the user; and in demanding it, they engage us in a way that feels lost in our era of digital interfaces.” i find it pretty fascinating that a growing number of us have found our way into these practices; though i was not aware of the popularity, i developed that sentimentality, and it feels like an affirmation to know i’m not the only one.

recently, meta and google were found liable for harms to a young woman who suffered immense mental health consequences from social media usage. the court specifically found that they intentionally designed their platforms – in this case instagram and youtube – to be addictive and that the content presented by the algorithms and manners of engagement are of active detriment to users. apparently, there are many of these lawsuits brewing now. knowing that this phenomenon has been documented not just anecdotally but in a court of law, i’m increasingly able to reflect on how significantly my mental health struggles have been exacerbated by social media, especially through my teenage and college years.

i still find myself reading on google news pretty often, but it’s not unmanageable, nor does it occupy the same level of my brain space that social media did. i’ve gotten some pretty useful information out of keeping up with local and national news, and really enjoy reading articles pertinent to my interests in environmental science and conservation. strangely, though, i still find myself going to my app library and scrolling through my apps, vaguely frustrated that i don’t have an infinite scroll to browse, though the actual desire to do that is absent. i often redirect to opening a book or going outside, but it’s an odd sensation that i think might take a while to dissipate.

surprisingly, the “fear of missing out,” or fomo for short, hasn’t come up at all. i told myself i could open it on my laptop if fomo really set in, but i haven’t wanted to whatsoever. in fact, i feel a reflexive recoil to the idea of doing so. i tried to look at tumblr on my laptop, just to test the waters, and got through 3 pages (tumblr is organized by pages in browser, rather than an infinite scroll) before the boredom set in and i closed out of the site.

i don’t plan on commanding others to delete their social media apps, but i do hope sharing the benefits i’ve experienced might prompt people around me to consider the role that social media occupies in their lives. and that talking about my experience might help someone considering deleting it feel less apprehensive about doing so. i can’t overstate how beneficial this decision has been, and i am so, so glad i did it.